dawn of a new era

no title

well been a while since i blogged

hrmzzz i have now decided that i will settle differences, ones that i  thought were irreconcilable. dnms are fkn ownage i cbf trying 2 sound all smart n shit so im just gonna type  like a noob.

So much shit going on recently and i cant be fucked dealing with it. so ive decided 2 be a  girl and just run away from probelms and pretned they never happened and when im confronted with the problem im just gonna discount the confrontation and continue with my robotic inanimate life.

It seems like everyone has left me. exept for a select few which i hardly ever see.
my friends have made friends with my other friends which in turn made  everyone move on whoch made them forget my existance

this is mad!
my favourite
wtf !

watver  everyone

the only  people who are ever there are the ones who i least expect
so much for friendship and family

it may be the begining of the end, but strive for more

At times like these i look for light in the darkness and hope amongst the despair, i want to confide with the people i trust yet the people who i trust most seem to have dissapated out of my life. Materialism doesnt bring me true happyness, it seems everything i think i want i can buy but its the things that are out of my reach that deteriorate my core. I had always beleived that other than my small circle of true friends, i had my family, i had always beleived they would be there always, it was a if they were immortal and untainted my the silly problems mere mortals have, but again i was wrong. What recently happened has torn us all apart, we always say family is most important and we always aim to healp each other and guide each other in the right direction, is this were u guide us? We strive together to become better people and become closer as a family, our morals were always fair and we always have support from others, what drove you out of your mind? what made u leave everything good for somthing less?, what made you stop striving for success, to become someone better, a role model?

I read this today " the people who u think wont let you down, probably will but a minute spent in sadness and sorrow is a minute of hapiness u will never get back"

i wish life were this simple where situations of sorrow and sadness can be out shone by light and hapiness but life is not that simple,

life isnt fair and when ur feeling really low u know there is only good to come
but what if the bad kept coming. slowely released from pandoras box all the sorrow and anger the world posseses finds refuge within one situation; our situation.

I hate what you have become, u have become what u hated most and u are hypocritical. ur priorities have become a conundrum which i am unable to comprehend, u pick the ones u want over the ones who love u most and it tears us all up inside. honestly we may of doubted u  on the outside but on the inside we thought u were better than that./

Me of all people, i am most dissapointed i may say i hate u but the truth is family is family and you have always said that, why do u run from your problems. You may hate your parents but they couldve done a much worser job. I personally feel sorry for you and most of all sorry for your children. It is now at a point where some people who once cared for you, now dont even acknowlede your very existence because u leave ur life sullied with ecstacy and alchohol. I always thought that any decent woman becomes taimed  no matter what situation she is faced with, it all stops once they have children, please, become what your children call u, become a mummy.

the person who is most affected is ba, she cares for u and the kids so much.
i often look for someone talk to but i am not one to show someone if i am feeling
down, i take it once step at a time. maybe you should take some time to repair the relationships u have lost in the past month, is what your doing now really wat you wnana do in 10 years?, is this the best for your children,? does this clash with your morals? and does doing this make who you want to be? does it make you family?

start over

i beleive the phrase is "actions or omissons" i should of been doing alot more omissions.

It hurts to know that wat think i wanted, would not satisfy me.

 And what i thought i had, would soon leave me.

 I scares me 2 know that the ones i truly care about, now think lesser of me

 And a real friend who trusted me, now despises me

The truth is, i undertand the sticky predicements other people are faced with, as i am now
on the receiving end, it hurts and i am afraid. i thank those who beleive in me and have faith in me. This trust is what will guide me 2 releive myslef of actions which are a detriment to my real character, also the wrongs leave my morals sullied. This is what will help me become the person who i really am, the person who i must find and the person who people remember me by. Apologies are needed and they will come, i have hurt many which makes me a hypocrite. At times i feel i need a new lease on life, but new promises have given me hope, to my promise made, i will stay adement and strive to become a better person. Most importantly, to my dear friend, i betrayed your trust and made you doubt our friendship, broke a promise. To to the one person who showed that they beleive in me, the one who made me truly realise the reproccussions and pain of my actions and also gave me hope to find the person who i strive to become and the person who i want 2 remember and also to my besty, one who cares and who is there.

thank you and sorry

FORMAL FKN CRAZY

MY FUCKEN formal how cool, lol"
well i took joey and i had a crazy time!! Peter Chandler was going bananas, hans lee went 2 the afterparty and mary n steve are now 2gether how craZy!.

well ap was at k blue richmond ecky central, maybe i shoodnt of done that but n e ways who cares!, i got cheap alky and some freee alky so im not fussed, well i atm i just pissed of alice and she is going 2 now blag abt me and how she going 2 stab me.

my table at the formal was the best i had 2 white ppl lolzz
they they both had hot asian dates, fkn moles steal out bitches!!
yeah and teo had an extremely cool date viv who won queen of the formal btw how fkn random.

the after party was fkn crazy, music was good up until chu phong the pill junkie put on techno, burnett the fag took his top off, i bought 2 bottles of johnny walker, teo was ko and had his first ciggy, cissy broke her shoe and lost her fone, 3 girls and guys slept in the same bed at my house, leevin and adge vomitted and we had pho in the morning!!!!!

one of the best nights ever!! thanks everyone, everyone was hot!!